I Miss You
Calle was
sitting on the rooftop smoking his last cigarette. He was sad, because it was
the place he used to come with Jens every night. They watched the sun go down
together and gave each other cute kisses while the last rays of sunshine
colored Calle’s hair golden. Jens used to call him goldilocks because of that.
The man sighed and blew some smoke out of his lungs. It was warm yet it was
winding, summer nights were always warm. He sighed as the cigarette met its end
– it was totally his last one and he did not have any money either. An old
phone started to ring in his pocket, but Calle decided to ignore that. It wouldn’t
be Jens anyway, so why would he answer? It could only be Magnus, one of his
best friends and to be honest he wasn’t interested in talking to anyone at the
moment.
Finally the
sun went down and for a moment it was gloomy. He looked down the street and saw
cars coming and going, people walking hand in hand, families. He felt even emptier
because he knew he could never hold Jens’s hand again. Not ever again. Calle
sighed and got up. He wanted to go somewhere else, so he opened the grey door
that led to the staircase. After horribly long stairs he was back in the
street, in the middle of the city. Now it had gotten almost dark so
streetlights were lighting up his way to the beach. Calle decided to go and
watch the sea since it always calmed him down when he was upset. The seaside
was very windy so he got cold soon. Calle couldn’t stop himself from memorizing
Jens’s arms around him and the whisper: “Stupid, beautiful Norwegian boy.”
A tiny tear
started to flow down his cheek, but he wasn’t in a mood of crying so he wiped
it away. Calle lied down the sand and started to stare at the stars, which
reminded him of Jens and his precious smile and sharp tongue.
“How I miss your stupid face”, Calle whispered to the sky and started to count
the stars with his finger. “I miss our lousy conversations and how you kicked
me under the table every time. I miss how you called me ‘Jävla Norsk.’”
Calle sighed deeply and gave up the counting. He decided to watch the sky
anyway for some time, since it was beautiful and clear that evening.
As the
hours went by, he got up and started walking, feeling the anxiety on his chest.
He fastened the steps like that would take the pain away faster. He was tired,
sad and depressed – and for god’s sake he didn’t even have any more cigarettes
to help. His blond hair was flowing with the cold sea wind but he couldn’t care
less. After several minutes Calle realized he was running, like the problems
would actually chase him. Suddenly he realized he had ran into someone and that
someone dropped what they were carrying.
“I’m so sorry!” Calle said and helped the person up.
“Oh, It’s okay, I was just clumsy”, this brown-haired young man said and
started to collect his belongings from the street. He had dropped few books and
a wallet. Calle picked up some books and handed them back to this guy.
“I’m Calle, by the way”, the blond said and gave his hand to the stranger.
“I’m Jonatan, nice to meet you.”
Because
Jonatan was heading to railway station, Calle decided to walk him. They chatted
for some time while walking and Calle found out that Jonatan in fact was from
Sweden.
“My umm, ex-boyfriend was from Sweden too. Actually from Jönköping”, the blond
said and the other one nodded with his heavy books.
“I’m from there too. Ugly place, that’s why I moved here.”
Soon the train arrived and took Jonatan away, so Calle was alone again. He
yawned and kept walking to the direction he was originally going to. He took a
bus soon, paid the ticket and walked to the last seats so he could be alone.
The trip felt like forever and he started to think if he even took the right
bus. Gladly his stop came soon and Calle jumped off the bus. Outside the city
it was pitch dark, since there were only few lights. It was enough for Calle
anyway.
He walked
through huge iron gates which made this evil grinding sound. Even without lights
he knew exactly where to go and which way to turn. On his way to the right
place Calle noticed an old gravedigger doing his job, he waved his hand to
Calle, who waved back. Soon he was in front of the right stone, which only said
“Jens” and two dates.
“Hi baby”, Calle said quietly and sat in front of the stone. “I missed you so
much today.”
Obviously no one answered him, but it made him comfortable talking to his lost
love.
“You know, I’m so sorry and I probably will always be. There’s no way I could
ever forgive myself. If I could travel back time, I would hit myself in the
face and make sure that I made it to you in time. If I had arrived early enough
you would still be alive. But guess what my love? I quitted those things after
your death”, Calle smiled a little as he was talking. He decided to stand up
for a while and lean on a brick wall to stretch his legs. “So, Jens”, he kept
talking. “The only thing I didn’t quit was smoking, because it reminds me of
kissing you and that I want to remember.”
The clock
turned midnight and Calle decided to walk again. He laid his eyes on the stone
for the last time and waved at Jens’s name. Unfortunately he missed the one
last bus so there was no other choice than walk to the city for seven miles. He
sighed and put on his earphones and some music too. He walked slowly and
suddenly something hit him on the head.
“What the-“, he said and took off the other earphone. He picked up a pinecone
that hit him. After that he saw a tiny squirrel running nearby super-fast and
it made him smile a bit. He kept walking, listening to some old classics and
trying to focus his thoughts that were making him anxious again.
Luckily he was
able to pull back his evil thoughts and walk back to the city in peace.
City clock
told Calle that it was two in the morning already. He sighed and wandered to
one of those big crossroads. There wasn’t any cars so he just randomly ran to
one direction and realized he was back to the house he first left off. Calle
opened the door and climbed familiar stairs to the rooftop, sat down, closed
his eyes and hoped that Jens would pick him up already
