A modern fairytale
Arthur
threw a mop from his hands to the floor and screamed angrily, he was so tired
of doing chores for his twin brother and younger sister. The three kids lived
with their father, since their mother had left with another guy several years
ago. Unfortunately the dad was alcoholic and the only thing he cared for was
that the house was clean. Only woman of the family, Viola had made sure that
she wouldn’t be a maid of any kind and Arthur’s twin had made clear that if
someone would make him clean up, he would punch them in the face.
Arthur
sighed as he vacuumed the floor once again. Father was sleeping on the couch,
next to a beer bottle – he was snoring which annoyed the young boy. Arthur felt
like hitting his dad with the stupid vacuum cleaner, but he didn’t want to seek
any trouble so he decided to pass. Suddenly the doorbell rang so he shut down
the cleaner and went to see who was there. He opened the door just to see a
cute girl.
“Hi sweetie,
I got your message”, Arthur smiled and hugged the girl tightly. It was his girlfriend
Greta, who was only the most stunning girl on planet. Too bad his brother Aksel
was also in love with her.
“How are you?” Greta asked and stepped inside the apartment. “After seeing your mop-picture on instagram, I decided to come and visit you.”
“Cleaning up as usual. Aksel and Viola are away so I don’t have to listen to their bullshit today”. Arthur sighed and took his guest to kitchen.
“How are you?” Greta asked and stepped inside the apartment. “After seeing your mop-picture on instagram, I decided to come and visit you.”
“Cleaning up as usual. Aksel and Viola are away so I don’t have to listen to their bullshit today”. Arthur sighed and took his guest to kitchen.
After few
hours Arthur’s siblings came home and Aksel started to hit on Greta, as usual.
This time Arthur had found his long lost courage and pushed his brother against
the wall.
“Leave my girl alone”, he hissed and placed his hand against Aksel’s neck.
“Leave her alone and do something to this dirty ass apartment!”
“Leave my girl alone”, he hissed and placed his hand against Aksel’s neck.
“Leave her alone and do something to this dirty ass apartment!”
Aksel looked frightened and he nodded slowly. He had never seen his brother
that mad.
Meanwhile
the young couple had ran away that miserable house. Greta had promised Arthur
could live in their mansion just outside the city
I liked your story! It was good and it got that good twist where Arthur punch his brother and didn't be a shy guy anymore. The text went well forward, but i would have liked it more if the Arthur's and Greta's small talk would be longer :)
VastaaPoistaI liked how you got a good language which fit in the story and you have good grammar. At least i didn't find any mistakes..
In the beginning i didn't get that feeling this is a modern day fairy tale. But when you mentioned Instagram it brings reader back to that idea. I would like if you had told how Arthur and Greta met and how they had fall in love. But i think it don't have major affect to the story.
I get hard to find what was the original story, but i think it was Cinderella referring to the beginning of the story where Arthur was the one who has to clean the house and the boys are evil to him. And in the end Arthur gets the boy who his brother also loved.
Great text! :)
I chose this assignment because this was fun to write! At first I didn't have any idea which fairytale I would take but then this idea came across my mind. I succeeded in the characters I think and yeah I should improve with writing short stories because usually my stories are way too long
VastaaPoista